The Essential Poker Night Checklist

The other night I was invited to go to someone else’s poker night with a friend. Big mistake. Not only was it dull, but they didn’t even have the essentials.

In case you don’t know what the essentials of Poker Night are…let me educate you. And maybe, in the comments section, you can education me. And together, we can come up with the Ultimate Poker Night Checklist.

1. Beer, Beer and more Beer
Come on. Let’s be serious. You aren’t really hosting a Poker Night if you don’t have beer. No question. This one is absolute. The other thing. Don’t cheap-out on the beer either. It should be good beer…no skunk.

2. Guacemole & Chips
If you’re hosting Poker Night, get the wife to make some homemade guacemole. Buy some nacho chips…and you’re golden. If you can’t get the wife to do anything around the house, then you’re going to have to make the guacemole yourself. None of that store-bought stuff.

3. Cuban Cigars
Half way through the night, everyone should step outside onto the porch and light-up a few cigars together. The bonding couldn’t get any better than sharing a high-priced, quality cigar with your friends.

4. An Empty House
Nothing ruins Poker Night like having a woman (or the kids) around. It kills the ambience. Tell them to take one for the team and go to Target. Guys need to talk guy-talk. We need to get rowdy and when women (or kids) are around, we just can’t let loose and Poker Night becomes Dullsville.

5. Kill the TV
Poker needs to be front and center. The only possible reason for having the TV on would be a football game, and you just shouldn’t play poker during a football game. So kill the TV and if you’ve gotta play the stereo, keep it down so that Poker stays priority #1.

7 thoughts on “The Essential Poker Night Checklist

  1. “No offense to women…” ??? HAH!

    Why not add ‘Make the wife clean up beforehand… and afterwards, while you’re at it.” Why not add ‘Make sure the naked dancing girls dance during the cigars, so as not to detract from the poker playing.” Etc., etc.

    Carrots work better than sticks, my dear men. So how about suggesting ‘ask your dear wife if, in exchange for making you guacamole, she’d like an hour with a cup and coffee and no interruptions, or, doing her next turn at dinner dishes.”

    Or how about suggesting ‘ask your dear wife if she’ll take this exchange: you take the kids all morning, and she’ll take the kids out for the evening.”

    Let some of that creativity work to her benefit… and therefore to yours!! She may even make homemade chips to go with that guacamole!

  2. Ok. So I ran this post by my wife before making it public. Just like I read to her Meno’s definition of virtue for women. It made her mad.

    For some reason I really like this game…teasing well educated, enlightened women by making macho/chauvinistic statements.

    Someone needs to cure me of this disease or else my wife is going to kick me out of the house;-)

    I need some therapy…desperately.

  3. This is exactly the kind of “poker night” my friends want to have and that I hate. This ain’t a poker night, it’s a night with your friends in which poker is NOT front and center.

  4. Adding to the conversation re Cowboy “teasing well-educated, enlightened women by making macho/chauvinistic statements…”

    William Safire (9/3/06) writes about a great term for people who will always take the bait … “moonbats.” “Certain issues seem to trigger a reflexive response from some people much like wolves howl at the moon.” Used often these days for liberals.

    A new term of endearment for your wife??? (if you don’t share where it comes from 🙂

  5. I’m looking for a good christmas present for an inlaw who plays weekly poker…don’t even know what he has

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