Andy Stitzer, the Virgin King of Online Poker

Andy Stitzer may have been a 40-year-old virgin, but the time he spent not getting it on was still time well spent playing endless rounds of poker online. The scene where Andy gets to exercise his”finely honed online poker skills” on his buddies and makes a killing in the process is unforgettable? not just because of his painful attempt to convince the guys that he was an experienced ladies man but also because of the obvious clock-cleaning that David, Jay and Cal received courtesy of a virgin. At least he left them with one or two chips each for dignity’s sake. The lesson here is that bingo 90 ball, poker or blackjack is thrilling, skill-building and can come in handy when you want to take your friends for most of what they have.

The “Deceptively Innocent Online Poker-Playing Whiz” is just one personality you might run into on any given poker night. There’s actually a few stereotypical characters who can show up and, depending on how you’re doing, give you all their chips or take yours away.


The Drunk”has an obvious tell: he’s drunk. Whether he turned up at poker night with beer-in-hand or immediately procured a drink upon arrival, his game will be affected at some point in the evening. He might start out on a winning streak, but his bets will soon become alcohol-fueled, giving him more confidence than he should have. Winning off this guy once his fortune has turned is like shooting fish in a barrel. Sure, you’re almost guaranteed to take a few hands from him, but when there’s no skill involved on your part it kind of takes the fun out of it. Even if the Drunk starts out happy-go-lucky, the “happy” is sure to be the second thing to “go” right after his chips.

The Math Whiz

The guy who was always good at math might be better suited to playing blackjack with his card-counting skills, but if he’s looking for a new challenge, he might set his sights on conquering the poker table. If you’re looking for an opponent who is predictable in everything he does from his facial expressions to how he reacts to the card flow, then the Math Whiz is the answer to your poker prayer. It’s the damnable logic driving his mathematical mind that trips him up every time. Rather than developing strategy, the Math Whiz tries to play logically and methodically, all to his detriment and your benefit.

Know It All

Even at a table full of seasoned pros, the”know It All” will attempt to school everyone on what he believes to be the keys and finer points of the game of poker. It doesn’t matter that he usually just breaks even, typically he’s second guessing your bets, explaining the intricacies of pot odds or giving you a play-by-play of how you “should” have played your last hand. He is a legend in his own mind, the best, and he has a word of advice for everyone. The only way to play poker with the Know It All is to perfect your skills at ignoring along with your poker playing strategies and disregard any guidance he tries to give you.

If you’re not up to dealing with the poker night regulars ? or is it irregulars? You can always follow Andy’s lead and spend some time playing online games of chance. It will give you the opportunity to sharpen up your playing skills and work on strategy. And it doesn’t have to be a statement at all about your level of offline “experience.”

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